2023 was a pretty good year for films, but it also was a year of disappointment and saying fuck it this film works where in reality it just doesn’t. Another year of me watching bad films for your pleasure is back and better than ever. After all while the strike for Writers and Actors were going on we were watching their films in the theater or streaming them on all the billion streaming services not paying the writers and actors properly. But much like my 2023 it had its really great moments but also if you look deeper it had terrible moments and the films on this list were those terrible moments, at least for me, for watching bad films. From franchises continuing to make films for money to corporations just making films because money; these films were bad for all the wrong reasons. Now while I have my opinion as you have your own, these films just were god awful or not that great and I just didn’t like them. Now obviously I didn’t see every film this year so I may have missed a couple of shit films and I don’t think I’m missing out as this list gets more pathetic each year and it’s not cause I am writing it in a pathetic way but because the films themselves are pathetic. Anyway I must finally get to the list and much like my last relationship get through the pain and suffering and reminiscing these bad films and lets countdown my Top 10 Worst Films of 2023.
10. You People – I was very disappointed from this film as Jonah Hill and Eddie Murphy seemed like it could had been an odd couple combination in a comedy that should have worked but I don’t know what it is but this film was just not funny. As an American born Jew I don’t find the film fully anti-Semitic like many critics are saying this film is but I see a few points they have made in their reviews and just from watching the film. Now I love me a funny film that loves to cross the line and try to be funny and I think comedy is very subjective nowadays and because we live in a very cancel culture world then one bad joke or one messed up moment in any comedic film will destroy careers. Now that isn’t here in this film; what is in this film is a not funny comedy movie that centers on a Caucasian American Jew who falls in love with a Black Nationalist NOI woman. It kind of drops the ball on being comedic and romantic but it also is trying to tell a story of an interracial and interreligious couple and it does it in a very poor way. Eddie Murphy seems like he isn’t even trying in this film as he looks like he is just doing it for the money and Jonah Hill seems like he’s playing a different role for a whole different movie. The rest of the cast is just there I guess. I don’t find Julia Louis-Dreyfus funny at all, Lauren London is trying to hard in my opinion and everyone else in here seems like they are trying but failing at making this film funny. Some jokes and moments did land for me and made me chuckle but I couldn’t get past the writing and poor choices including the ending’s controversial CGI kissing scene. It’s like the film wanted us to believe Hill and London were kissing but you didn’t get past social media Netflix, nice try though.
9. Knock at the Cabin – Knock, Knock. Who’s there? Another bad M. Night Shymalan film that I suffered from. I will say this film had some sort of potential to be a decently good film but I mean what was Shymalan expecting from this movie as this film was just not good. Now some people said this was a very good film and that is their opinion but I found this film to be boring in some cases, not scary for it also being a horror/thriller it’s not thrilling or scary and the acting is basic at best. Batista is the face of this film and while I don’t feel like he ruins this film, he kind of is the bread and butter but I mean he also was the best thing about this film. The constant wait and wonder of what is going to happen next to each of these characters were so lack luster and the gore was decent but I feel like it could have been done a bit better. Essentially this film is a hostage film with a twist; the twist being 4 people who believe they are the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse and that if a sacrifice isn’t made to the family they are keeping hostage then bad things will happen in the world. Now on paper this film could work but I believe the writing and some of the performances from the cast could have been a bit better. I wanted to like this movie, I really did, but I mean it was not paced well and it felt like it was trying to be something that it’s not. I think if Shymalan worked with Jordan Peele on this type of film and maybe had a political message centered around it then this could have been a much better film but that is a fantasy and this film was a disappointing hot mess.
8. Shazam! Fury of the Gods – This was a very disappointing year for the DCU as The Flash was mediocre at best, Aquaman was a flop and the only good thing about the DCU was Blue Beetle. The worst thing for the DCU was this sequel to the beloved first film, Shazam! I knew from the trailer that this movie wasn’t going to be anywhere as good as the first film but I what I wasn’t expecting was for it to be a huge letdown and boring. There were times when I was watching the film where I was I guess you can say enjoying it but then it became a snooze fest. The villains in this film are all terrible as is the writing and visual effects for the film. Now while I may be shiting on the film and we are only in the 8th entry, I can say everything after this were just terrible and beyond disappointing and Fury of the Gods is the beginning of said disappointment because my god how do you fuck up a character so badly to the point where it makes you forget that Shazam was likeable in the first film. Hell the entire first film was likeable for me. Gal Godot’s cameo in the film couldn’t even save the movie because it’s just so bland. Even James Gunn and him rebooting the DCU couldn’t save this film. This was the film where we should have gotten Black Adam vs. Shazam, not Helen Mirren and Lucy Liu. I don’t know this movie rubbed me the wrong way and I feel like there was so much potential for this film but it became a disaster and just couldn’t live up to the original film. At this point I can’t be too upset because the DCU is being rebooted so I guess this film is just a who gives a fuck let’s put it out for shits and giggles.
7. Good Burger 2 – Speaking of disappointments I actually had some sort of hope, some sort of positive intuition for this movie because of my love for the first film and by the end of me watching this film I was left with wanting a spin off film for Sinbad’s character from the original Good Burger movie because this was just a disappointing cash grab of a film. Did Good Burger ever need a sequel? The answer is automatically no but because Kenan and Kel were on good terms and rumors started spreading for years I guess Paramount, Nickelodeon and both Kenan and Kel had a light bulb struck above their heads and they thought this film needed to become real. Now it did have some pretty funny moments but they weren’t as funny as you expect. I did not care for the story at all as it felt like the same story as the first Good Burger film but with some changes to some of the plot. I was also kind of annoyed with Ed in this movie as he is such a funny character in the first one because he’s a loveable teen who is dumb but has a great heart. In this movie he’s even dumber with a family who is also dumb and he’s extra annoying. Obviously this film has running gags from the first film but I feel like some of them don’t land well here. The biggest letdown here is the fact that the film is only for a certain audience aka millennials who enjoyed the original. If you grew up in the 2000’s yes you probably also watched and enjoyed this film but for millennials this was such a classic when it first came out and it has become iconic ever since for us millennials but 3 decades later having a sequel to such a classic is a red flag and a defiant hint of it going to be such a flop. It’s sad because I did enjoy some parts of the film but I couldn’t enjoy it as much with all the flaws this film has an it does have many flaws.
6. Ghosted – Remember when Chris Evans and Ana De Armas had great chemistry in Knives Out and they did such a great job in a great film. Then Apple and other production companies thought let’s make a movie with them together as the lead roles and they will do such a great job together because we saw what they can do in Knives Out so it’s going to work out well. Then you watched the film and then you think why I ever thought this would be good, what the fuck was I on because this movie stinks. This Action Rom-Com was a great example on why filmmaking is hard to do and when you have such great ideas on paper, nine out of ten times not everything lands well on screen like it does on paper and this is one of those times. The pacing for this film goes from rushed to slow as fuck as the film quickly follows this romantic pair of two after a great night together to then have Chris Evans getting ghosted because she is a CIA Operative and then he decides let’s go see her even though he doesn’t know that she pretty much a CIA Operative and now he’s stuck in this mission while they bitch about each other’s lies and then by the end they are happily together. Yeah that pretty much is the entire film and I didn’t even talk about the full plot because who cares; this film is a headache times a thousand and I rather watch paint dry than go through another 2 hour watch of this snooze fest/brain aneurism of a film. It had some good action scenes but everything else centered on this boo boo kitty fuck of a rom-com/action film is beyond terrible.
5. Spy Kids: Armageddon – They are still making Spy Kids movies ladies and gentleman, we are in the year 2024 now and we got ourselves another Spy Kids movie that came out in 2023. Robert Rodriguez rebooting the Spy Kids movies is like kids rebooting their divorced parent’s marriage because it worked out then for the most part until something ruined it completely and why would you think it worked out well now. The CGI in this movie is just awful. The acting in this movie is beyond awful, it’s comedic at best. This is a child baby movie compared to the first three Spy Kids movies that were also made for children but teens and even adults could love and admire. After the 4th installment, which is also terrible, I thought there is no way Robert Rodriguez would make another Spy Kids movie and well….I guess I was wrong. Also this doesn’t mention or have anything from the first four films. Like I expected a cameo from Danny Trejo or at least a mention to the Cortez family but nope not even that. Netflix shoved money in Robert’s face and was like you should make a Spy Kids movie for us, it will do so great; maybe it will even get a sequel in the future and continue this franchise. Why would anyone think of that? I couldn’t even enjoy the villain because he was so boring. You could film two monkeys in spy gear and call it Spy Kids and it would make billions probably but that doesn’t mean it would be good. Spy Kids: Armageddon is a disaster that will make you pound your head on the wall praying for it to end or never exist.
4. Ant-Man and the Wasp: Quantumania – The biggest disappointing film of the year for me and probably many others goes to this abomination of a film. The Ant-Man films are hit and miss for most people as the first Ant-Man was a hit in my eyes and Ant-Man and the Wasp was mid to me but man was this movie just a garbage truck full of crap. The visual effects and CGI in this film is a good example on why the MCU has been a bag of disappointments lately. GOTG 3, No Way Home and Shang Chi is maybe the ones that escaped said bag but man since Endgame there hasn’t been a film from the MCU that you could say could begin the next huge phase for the MCU and yet Quantumania was supposed to be said film. The film was going to begin the Kang Dynasty Avengers film that was announced and Kang, played by Jonathan Majors, was going to be the biggest villain in the MCU next to Thanos. And the final results are pure bullshit. Kang wasn’t the problem with this movie as I feel like his character and the performance from Majors was pretty good but it’s the writing, pacing, world building, the story itself, CGI and most of all the acting in some scenes from other characters that ruins this movie completely. But let’s be real even if this film was great it would have been a waste of a film because soon after this film released, Majors found himself in a huge lawsuit with a woman that said he assaulted her and then months later he was found guilty and his character was pretty written off to be replaced by another actor or taken out of the MCU entirely so I guess you can say this film was a disappointment that led to nowhere and will be forgotten because it was a disappointment. I’m kind of annoyed I paid money to see this film just so I guess I am a dummy. I rather re-watch Thor Love and Thunder and Multiverse of Mid-Madness.
3. Winnie the Pooh: Blood and Honey – The fact that I was excited to see a Winnie the Pooh slasher flick in 2023 is beyond psychotic. The film was horrible and I couldn’t stop laughing at how terrible this film was. I’m being nice to putting it at #3 because #2 and #1 are films that I hated. I can’t hate a film that tried to be something different and make a children’s beloved character become a psychotic murdering monster with his best friend Piglet. Just the idea in general feels so ridiculous as Winnie the Pooh and Piglet become feral and want to get revenge on Christopher Robin after he abandoned them for college. This film just reads college film project; hell its worse than a college film project. I didn’t have a problem with the gore though as that’s probably the bread and butter for this film but everything else around it is just god awful. It’s also funny that the film is supposedly getting a sequel soon and that itself tells you that yes it was terrible but it found its following and successes because it had a budget of $100,000 and made over $5 million so even when you make god awful garbage like this you somehow find a success story that will live on. Do your thing King as I’ll be waiting for said sequel just to shit on it.
2. Fast X – I saw this movie in theaters with my coworkers and that was my choice. I could have gone home to stream on Twitch or continue to binge watch Breaking Bad or The Office but no I chose to spend time with my coworkers that I love dearly, pay money for a film that I didn’t care to even watch in the theater and left the theater wanting to jump in front of a moving train because what the actual fuck was this movie and why the actual fuck is the Fast and Furious franchise still a thing. Fast X had too much going on in the film from car chases, gun fights, returning characters that were supposed to be dead but hey they are somehow alive and I didn’t even talk about Jason Mamoa because his character was the worst part of it all. I love me a psychotic villain but when your psychotic villain is literally Heath Ledger’s Joker minus the likeability, Ledger’s acting and pretty much it being an impression or some sort of impression of the character then well yeah you have yourself a Wish version of Joker but without the clown face paint and a angry psycho man who is out for revenge because Dom and his family of hot wheel car stealing/going on missions to space team killed his daddy. This film was made to just be made at this point because Paul Walker died and they want to honor him. Let’s not forget this is part one of a three part film series so more of this hot garbage is still to come. Moments where my coworkers laughed, I stood there silently in anger because it wasn’t funny. The acting was barely here too and it felt like we had so many side characters doing their own thing in this plot towards Mamoa vs. Diesel film and it ends in a cliffhanger just for us to get two more films that nobody asked for. I remember the good old days when the Fast films were about car racing and a little bit of missions in the end point of the franchise being decent but since Furious 7 the films have been terrible to just being made to make money for the production company and not made with any love and if it was made with love then well somebody please help me find it because it’s not here at all in my eyes.
1. Cocaine Bear – I now understand my dad’s feelings towards certain films I watched in the living room as he watched along and constantly commented how stupid and idiotic they were. I now feel like I am in that point in my life where I can just say how stupid a movie is. Is it because I’m getting old or is it because I’m at a point where I can see stupidity in front of my eyes. I will never know but all I know is that Cocaine Bear is a film that was made by Elizabeth Banks and was also inspired by an actual event of a bear that fatally overdosed from cocaine in 1985 and Banks decided let me make a comedy horror film of said bear and fictionalize the story and make the bear a coked out mass killing bear. Then I ask myself, would it be bad to have a drug overdose or drown in a river because maybe that would be easier to end my life over getting killed by a bear drugged up on loads of cocaine. I then ask myself why would I want to watch this movie and my response is simple. I watched it because as a lover for films I must watch the film to see what the hype is all about. After all it was one of the most hyped films on social media so of course it’s going to be good. Then I realized I rather puncture my testicles with a broken piece of a glass bottle or a used needle then have to watch this cancerous movie. I didn’t pay to see this film in theater like a short bus riding person would because why do that when it’s already being streamed for the price of $4.99 aka free of charge on Peacock. I watched it there and then I said to myself I still paid too much money to watch this. Then I see that people out here in the world liked this movie and found it funny and all I hope for them is stuff I can’t even say on the internet because it will get me cancelled. If you like this movie; usually I would say that’s your opinion and I respect it; but nah I’m just going to call you a fucking idiot and punch you in the gut so you feel pain because I felt that pain watching this movie. This movie was a joke of a film. I rather watch this over Mulan (2020) but man I also rather stab my eyes with Porcupine needles. As I said before I finally understand why my dad called the movies I watched sometimes stupid. I hope you are proud up there in heaven dad because this would had been another movie you called stupid and I would have agreed with you.
disHonorable Mentions:
Peter Pan and Wendy – I mean Disney hasn’t made a good Peter Pan since the animated classic so I think it’s time for them to quit trying.
Murder Mystery 2 – This isn’t even Adam Sandler’s fault as he is actually trying in this film to make it good. It’s the writing and the unfunny jokes and moments in this film that makes this film bad.
Indiana Jones and the Dial of Destiny – It felt nice to hear John Williams score again. Yeah I have nothing to really say about this film. It just sucked and I had no care to put it on my list.
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